IF YOU CAN READ THIS ON PAPER, THE PRINTTEST PASSED.  ENJOY.

CAUTION:  The contents following are RATED 'R' and may be 
	  found to be offensive to some tastes.
************************************************************

There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
	One was even so brave
	As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
 
Sex is like a bridge game --
If you have a good hand no partner is needed.
 
Getting an education at the University of California is like
having $50.00 shoved up your ---, a nickel at a time.
 
There's nothing wrong with America that a good erection wouldn't cure.
	     -- David Mairowitz
 
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it
once was...an arctic wilderness
		-- Steve Martin
 

Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.
 
There was a young lad name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
	His father said, "Durcan!
	Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
 
Randel -- n.  A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an
apology for farting at a friend.
		-- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
		   Preposterous Words
 
A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
called a liberal.
 
 
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't
pick your friend's nose.
 
...and then there's the guy who bought 20,000 bras, cut them in half,
and sold 40,000 yamalchas with chin straps...
 
All things dull and ugly,
	All creatures short and squat,
	All things rude and nasty,
	The Lord God made the lot;
Each little snake that poisons,
	Each little wasp that stings,
	He made their brutish venom,
	He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
	All evil great and small,
	All things foul and dangerous,
	The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
	Each beastly little squid.
	Who made the spikey urchin?
	Who made the sharks?  He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
	All pox both great and small.
	Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
	The Lord God made them all.

		-- Monty Python
 
The other night I was having sex, but the girl hung up on me.
 
Mathematicians do it in theory.
 
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
	So he built him some chicks
	Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
 
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
	He chuckled with mirth,
	For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
 
 
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
fly south for the winter.  However, soon after the weather turned cold,
the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to
earth in a barnyard almost frozen.  A cow passed by and crapped on this
little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure
warmed him and defrosted his wings.  Warm and happy the little sparrow
began to sing.  Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the
chirping investigated the sounds.  As Old Tom cleared away the manure,
he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

1)      Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2)      Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your
	friend.

3)      If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth
	shut.
 
John Birch Society: That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
		-- Edward P. Morgan
 
Nancy Reagan wants divorce old Ron... seems he's making it hard for
everyone but her.

Rich.
 
Kill a commie for Christ!
 
Q: What's Jewish foreplay?
A: Two hours of begging.
 
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
		-- J. Edgar Hoover
 

